Supporting Neurodivergent Families: What I’ve Learned from ND Birth Training
- Jana Scholz
- Aug 14
- 6 min read
Pregnancy, birth and early parenthood are enormous transitions for any family. They bring excitement, anticipation and, often, a lot of information to process and decisions to make.
For neurodivergent people, navigating pregnancy, maternity care, birth and the postnatal period can also bring additional challenges that aren't always recognised within standard maternity care.
As a birth and postnatal doula, I believe individualised support matters. Every person has different needs, preferences, ways of communicating and ways of processing the world around them.
That is why I recently completed the Supporting Neurodivergent Birth training with Neurodivergent Birth.
For me, this was much more than learning about neurodivergence. It was about learning how I can adapt my own practice so that the people I support don't have to work so hard to fit into a system that may not have been designed with their needs in mind.
The training brought me back to one important principle:
Individual needs are valid.
And that has changed the way I think about my role as a doula.
What does this mean for my doula practice?
The training hasn't given me a checklist for supporting a neurodivergent client. If anything, it has reinforced the importance of not making assumptions.
Instead, it has given me more tools to adapt my practice to the individual in front of me.
That might mean communicating in a different way, allowing more time to process information, thinking carefully about the sensory environment, helping to reduce cognitive load, or supporting someone to communicate their needs within maternity care.
It might mean thinking about these things before someone becomes overwhelmed, rather than responding once they have reached that point.
And importantly, it means asking.
What works for you?
What doesn't?
What would make this easier?
What do you need from me?
For me, neuro-affirming support starts with listening rather than assuming.
Communication matters
One of the areas I have thought about most since completing the training is communication.
Pregnancy and birth involve a huge amount of information, often delivered quickly and at moments when you may already be processing a lot.
As a doula, I can support this by slowing things down, using clear language, checking what kind of information is helpful, and allowing space to process before expecting an answer.
Sometimes that might mean writing something down.
Sometimes it might mean talking something through more than once.
Sometimes it might simply mean giving someone the time and space they need to work out what they think.
There isn't one correct way to communicate.
My job isn't to make communication easier for me. It's to find ways of communicating that work for you.
Making space for sensory needs
Birth environments can be busy, unpredictable and highly stimulating.
The training encouraged me to think more intentionally about the environment around a client and the small changes that might make a significant difference.
That could mean considering lighting, noise, touch, movement, the number of people in the room or knowing what is going to happen before it happens.
These conversations don't have to wait until labour.
We can talk about what you already know about yourself, what tends to feel overwhelming and what helps you feel more comfortable and regulated.
The aim isn't to predict exactly what you will need.
It's to have an understanding of your needs so that, if circumstances change, we have somewhere to start.
Reducing the cognitive load
Pregnancy comes with a surprising amount of administration and decision-making.
Appointments. Referrals. Information. Questions. Forms. Choices. Things to remember.
For some people, keeping track of all of this can be one of the more difficult parts of the perinatal period.
As a doula, I can help reduce some of that cognitive load without taking away your autonomy.
That might mean helping you organise information, preparing questions for an appointment, making sense of information you've been given, or talking things through afterwards.
It isn't about taking over.
It's about making sure you have more capacity for the things that matter to you.
You don't have to mask
Something else I took from the training was a deeper understanding of how important it is to create a space where someone doesn't feel they have to perform or mask.
If you're neurodivergent, you may already be very experienced at adapting yourself to other people's expectations.
You don't need to do that with me.
You don't need to apologise for needing quiet, movement, repetition, processing time or information presented in a particular way.
You don't need to make eye contact.
You don't need to explain why something is difficult before your needs are taken seriously.
Your needs aren't an inconvenience to work around. They are part of how I understand how best to support you.
Your birth preferences can include more than the birth itself
One thing I particularly appreciated about the training was the broader approach to birth planning.
Your birth preferences don't have to be limited to where you would like to give birth or what pain relief you might want.
They can also communicate how you would like to be cared for.
You might want to include things such as:
how you prefer information to be given
how much processing time you need
sensory preferences
communication preferences
what helps you feel regulated
what kinds of touch you do or don't want
how you would like changes in circumstances to be explained
how your support person can help
Birth doesn't always follow a plan, of course.
But understanding what helps you feel safe and supported can be valuable whatever your birth looks like.
What this training means for you if you're considering a doula
Completing this course hasn't made me an expert on every neurodivergent experience — and I don't think there is such a thing.
Instead, it has strengthened my commitment to being a doula who asks rather than assumes.
You shouldn't have to spend your time educating your doula about why certain things are difficult for you.
You shouldn't have to apologise for needing information presented differently, for finding certain environments overwhelming, or for having particular sensory or communication preferences.
And you shouldn't have to mask in order to feel comfortable with the person supporting you.
A doula’s role is to get to know you — not to fit you into a particular idea of what a client, a parent or a birth experience should look like.
Doulas talk about what helps you feel safe and understood, what you might need from your maternity team, and how they can support you before, during and after birth.
Your needs are not an inconvenience. They are part of your care.
Looking for more neurodivergent-informed antenatal support?
If you're looking for information specifically created with neurodivergent parents in mind, Neurodivergent Birth is a great place to start.
They provide resources for expectant parents around pregnancy, birth and postpartum, including information around reasonable adjustments and sensory needs.
They also offer The ND Birth Prep Course, an online antenatal course created specifically for neurodivergent parents. It covers pregnancy, birth and postpartum, as well as birth and postnatal planning and accessing support.
Their website also includes directories for doulas and antenatal educators with experience, training or lived experience relating to neurodivergence.
From equity to liberation
The training has also made me think about the difference between equality, equity and liberation.
Equality isn't necessarily giving everyone the same thing. Equity means recognising that people have different needs and removing the barriers that prevent them from accessing the same care and opportunities.
But ultimately, we should be aiming for more than adjustments.
We should be working towards liberation.
A world where neurodivergent people don't have to constantly explain, mask or adapt themselves in order to receive respectful care.
Where different ways of communicating are expected.
Where sensory needs are considered.
Where asking for an adjustment doesn't feel like asking for a favour.
And where neurodivergent parents can enter pregnancy, birth and parenthood feeling able to be fully themselves.
That is the kind of practice I want to build at Doula Haus.
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